My main problem with the twenty-sixth century is this: people just aren’t dying fast enough.
It’s unsustainable. And offensive.
I’m not talking about the effects of overpopulation on the environment.
When I say that people aren’t dying fast enough, I specifically mean those who can afford the very niche, very expensive services that I provide. What good is a dead person to me if they can’t afford a goddamn burial?
Sure, my funeral parlour offers cremation services, but I’d need to burn at least a hundred adult bodies at over a thousand degrees Celsius to come even close to what I would make from lowering just one billionaire into the ground. Centuries of medical innovation have reduced my clientele to an infinitesimal number. And with the “miracle” of purchased human longevity come the inevitable obstacles to a business that survives on death—stiffer competition in finding clients, the rising costs of upkeep, and the dwindling burial space in cemeteries worldwide thanks to the sheer amount of dead people we’ve accumulated over the centuries—all of which have led to many in our field going out of business. These days, funerals are few and far between, a luxury service only a handful can afford.
